WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?

A laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.

They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?

A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

A waiter.

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?

The person who irons their cricket whites.

What's the height of optimism?

An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?

He forgot it was chained to his foot.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?

Because he can get out without even trying.

What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?

A bat.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?

A vacant lot.

Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?

They eat all the grass.

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?

They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian immigration officers at Sydney airport?

They asked him if he had a criminal record.
He replied: 'I didn't know it was still necessary.'

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?

At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.